It's all about choices...

Overnight, I became a mom of three. Going from a mom of one, to a mom of three has been challenging. I was prepared for the fatigue, the constant diapers, burping and laundry but what I wasn't prepared for was the emotional guilt I feel each time I have to chose which child I am going to attend to first. I was advised to go to the oldest child first because she would remember what you do. I have tried my best to give each one the attention they need and in general everyone gets my attention when they need it most. At times I feel everything is just a little too methodical and not spontaneous enough. I go from feeding, changing, burping one baby to the next and then running after my oldest. There isn't enough cuddle time during the day for the babies. It makes me sad to think back to when my oldest was born and how I spent every minute of the day snuggling and fussing over her. I feel that I don't give the twins enough individual time. And for me I am guilt ridden each time I have to choose who to feed first. Of course I go to the one who is crying the loudest and as I feed one, I try to rub the other's head. But it breaks my heart each time one is crying and the other is looking up at me with his big eyes, in despair. As I snuggle & feed the one, I am always am looking at the clock trying to figure how much time it will take me before I can get to the other. This is not how it should be, but it's my reality. I know I am doing my best, but at times I feel it's just not enough and once I add my daughter in the mix, it just makes me feel even worse. I know that this will be a constant battle for me. One that I will need to continually work on. It's very hard to except, but I do get that it is all about the choices...

I love a good photo!

When my daughter was born almost 3yrs ago, I couldn't take enough pictures of her. My friends and family were sick of the constant emails with multiple jpg files attached. I took so many because I just couldn't get "the shot". Now, I have moved on to having someone else take the photos. Last fall Pottery Barn Kids had a promotion and I met an amazing photographer named Amanda Dahlgren. She captured my daughter's personality so well, that I decided to have her photograph our family at Christmas. My husband wanted big belly photos of me, again I called her. So now that the twins have arrived, it was time to have her visit with the camera for some great baby photos. After 3 hours of her persistence and patience, she was able to proclaim that she thought she had some really great shots. You have to realize my house was a zoo while she was trying to work. If one baby was quiet, the other was crying. If they were both peaceful, one would poop suddenly and if that wasn't enough, my husband kept asking "if we were almost done" and my daughter was jumping in circles all over the room on a major sugar high. I am surprised after this last experience she hasn't blocked my phone number or my email address. Amanda was kind enough to email me a sneak peak of what I could expect and now I can't wait to see all the proofs. I have a feeling I will want to buy them all! Check out her website at http://www.amandadahlgren.com

It's all about the boob!

So the interesting thing about having a baby is that one of the first questions out of most people's mouths is "Are you breast feeding"? Not, how are the twins, how are you, are you sleeping or do you need any help? I find this obsession with the boob and it's feeding ability fascinating. Almost 3yrs ago, I found the question annoying, intimidating and it would many times bring me to tears. Back then, I was a first time mom, trying to keep up with the standard and what is socially acceptable. I was tired of defending myself for a choice that I really didn't want to make, but after trying every pump and every herb out there, breast feeding was not happening for me. This time around, I made the decision to just go with the flow (literally & figuratively), if it happened great, but if not that was fine to. We have all heard "Breast is Best" and have heard all those breast Nazi's out there basically chanting that phrase. I have read all the articles about how I am not giving my child the best and they will probably end up sicker, fatter and dumber then the breast fed baby. Now really, when you watch all the kids at the playground, do you think that kid can't climb the monkey bars, what an idiot, he must have been bottle fed? I know I don't! So this time around I have a refreshing new outlook. Instead of getting annoyed or defensive about whether or not I am, I just smile and listen. Recently, someone suggested that they send their boob lady over to massage my boobs to help with milk production. Call me conservative, but I just thought that was gross and a little disturbing. So, again I smiled and said thank you for thinking of me. I love the people who declare how the breast milk is so much superior. A majority of these women are the ones who are typically drinking a glass of wine with their meals, and drinking caffeine. The last time I checked, there was no alcohol or caffeine in a can of formula. But what do I know, apparently nothing? So I guess, I just have to recognize because of my choice my children will be the slowest ones at the playground...or will they???

It's all doable...

I know people think I am a loon! It has now become a joke when people come over and notice that everything is labeled and sorted. Every basket in the nursery is labeled; burp clothes, onesies, mittens, booties, diapers & wipes. The toy room is organized beyond belief and my daughter's room is the same. I don't even want to discuss what I've done in the garage...yes, call the therapist NOW! I really don't know when this obsession of mine started. I just know that is has become worse and worse over the years. If you ask anyone in my family if they ever expected this behavior or odd habit from me, they would say absolutely NOT. You have to understand that my entire time throughout high school and college, I was unable to open a blind or a window in my bedroom. Why, you may ask? Well, it's because I was a sloppy teenager and never hung anything or put anything away. So it was impossible to make it to the windows without stepping on something and I just never cared. So I have gone from one extreme to the next. Can you say MANIC?!?

I am finding that this craziness has finally served a purpose. Because of this crazy skill, I am finding each day manageable. Everything I do is very methodical, but it is the only way I am surviving. I have my boys on a 3hr feeding schedule and fortunately my daughter's schedule seems to fit right in. This morning, I woke up at 7am and showered. From there the craziness began. I fed, burped and changed my one son at 7:45am, did the next one at 8:20am, got my daughter out of bed at 8:45am. Bathed and got her ready. Had the whole crew downstairs and ready for breakfast by 9:15am. Decided I needed a Starbucks run by 10am. Packed each one, one by one into the car, drove to the Starbucks drive thru by 10:20am, was home by 10:55am. Did the 11am feed for the boys, followed by tummy time with each one, all while helping my daughter color and paint. Put the boys down for a nap. Made pigs in a blanket with my daughter for lunch, read to her in my bed, got her ready for her nap. Had her down by 1:20pm. Put a load of laundry in, folded the stuff in the dryer. Started the 2pm fed for my boys. Put them on their playmats for some stimulation, folded more laundry. Put the boys in their swings. Wiped down the kitchen, called a friend. I got my daughter out of bed from her nap at 4:15pm. Read her a book, put a Leap Frog video in the DVD for her to watch while I did the 5pm fed. At 5:30pm, my husband arrived, he made my daughter dinner, while I cleaned up. We all sat down to eat, my daughter with her grilled cheese and my husband & I with a meal that I made during yesterday's nap time. My husband gave my daughter a bath while I played with the twins. We switched off and I read my daughter a book and put her in bed at 7pm. Had 30 minutes of alone time my my husband. Started getting the twins bath ready. With the help of my husband washed one twin at 7:45pm and the other at 7:50pm. Did the 8pm feed. Had both boys down by 8:40pm. Folded more laundry. With my husband relaxing on the couch watching some nasty UFC fight, I retreated to the bedroom for some sleep. My husband did the 11pm feed so I could sleep and I just finished the 2am feed. So yes, it's all doable. Thank goodness for my organization skills because I'd never make it through the day. I guess a higher power stepped in and made me this crazy structured freak because if it wasn't for that I'd never survive! Well, back to bed I go...because it all begins again in a few hours:)

No longer pregnant and still getting fondled!

I cannot believe it! I am finally getting back to normal and have been relishing in the idea that my body is no longer a free for all when out of the blue I see a hand reaching for my stomach. My one pet peeve from when I was pregnant was the idea that people felt that it was okay to rub my belly as if I was a Buddha. So the other day when I was waiting for my coffee at Starbucks, a woman suddenly reached over and said "how's your abs"? Yes, she knew I had twins and decided it was her place to see if my middle was soft and mushy. As she tried to feel my belly up, she declared that I too will be needing a tummy tuck eventually. How rude, not to mention incorrect! When will the madness end???

The things I love!

Overnight I went from having one child to suddenly having three children. I have found that there have been certain things that have made each day more & more manageable.

I am grateful for the friends who have brought me meals. It is such a small thing but it has touched me in such a profound way. Every few days I "hit a wall". As if someone is looking out for me, it always seems that those are the days that someone kindly rings the bell with a wonderful meal for me & my family.

The gifts of diapers have been another one of my favorite things to receive. If you would have asked me what the best gift ever would be, I highly doubt in the past I would have responded "Pampers Swaddlers". But at this point in my life, diapers are better then diamonds! I just can't get enough:)

Whom ever invented the premade swaddle blankets, I salute you! Those swaddle blankets have helped ensure many good night sleeps or at least decent sleep in 3hr intervals. To me the swaddle blankets are a must have.

I love the Wubbanub. What is a Wubbanub? Well, it's a pacifier attached to a small stuffed animal. The stuffed animal adds just enough weight so if the twins spit out the pacifier, it just doesn't go very far. Another life saver, especially in the middle of the night!

So these are just a few of my favorite things...at least for today!

I did it!

So it's day 16 since the twins were born and today was the day I decided to venture out with all three kids on my own. Over the weekend we had gone to the beach & the park as a family, so I new it could be done...but I had my husband with me. So as the alarm clock went off at 6am, I raced through a shower, fed, changed and burped the twins, and got my daughter out of bed. I helped my daughter wash her face, brush her teeth, brushed her hair, got her dressed and fed her. We were able to accomplish all this by 9:15am. As I piled each one into the car, we raced off to our Mommy & Me Spanish class. Class started at 9:30am. Of course we were not on time and we arrived 15 minutes late, but we got there! The key to my success was to just go on "auto pilot". I knew if I started to really think about the logistics and everything that could go wrong, I would never leave the house. I am amazed that we made it to and from without any tears, especially mine! So now I have the confidence I need to keep going. Today was school, tomorrow the grocery store!?1?

I just can't stop crying!

Thanks to my husband, I was able to bask in an early morning shower. As I stood in the shower enjoying every minute of the clean soap smell and the warm water, all I could think of was how fortunate I am. This is a daily ritual that so many of us take for granted. As I began to really relax, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes,and my lower lip starting to quiver. I couldn't stop thinking about all the people in the world who don't have clean water. That is when I knew it was all over, I quickly was turning into sniffling mess. So, I tried to go to a happy place...it didn't help. As the tears rolled down my face, I thought about how my husband took over every feed last night, shut off my alarm clock and snatched the baby monitor from my nightstand. He did this so I could get a full night sleep...and I cried even harder. I thought about how sweet my boys are, and just kept on crying. Then I thought about my adorable daughter and cried even more. Today at lunch, my husband and I were talking and I was overcome with an enormous amount of gratitude and respect for him, and yes, I cried again. This evening we had friends stop by for a visit and after they left I couldn't help think how fortunate that we have such amazing people in our lives and cried once more. Yes, the waterworks are on and I just can't turn them off!

Do I Dare???

So now that I am beginning to see the return of my feet, I hesitantly eye the scale in my bathroom. When I first found out that I was expecting twins, I was told to expect to gain about 60lbs. Now I started at 135 and I remember doing the math...that would bring me close to the 200lb mark. One evening I was out to dinner with a friend and her husband, the big joke became, why not just go for it. What other time in my life would I ever have the opportunity to reach that weight. Yes, this is a twisted way to think about the weight gain. But hey, why not? I truly did watch what I ate, stayed as active as I could, but the closer it got to D-Day, the closer my weight came to obtaining a goal that I never wanted to make. At the very end I did throw in the towel and bask in the glory of eating everything under the sun and more. As the bloat and the swelling set in, I realized that there was absolutely nothing I could do. I no longer had control over what my body was doing or looked like. It has been 10 days since the twins have been born and I am slowly shrinking. Slowly is the key word! I am starting to see my toes again, the outline of an ankle. Is that my feet I see? Hello feet, it's been a long time. I really would like to see where I am weight wise. I am afraid though. So do I just do it? Do I just stand on the scale and see what happens? Do I dare? Maybe...tomorrow.

My week in review...

I cannot believe how fast the last 9 days have flown by. Two weeks ago if you asked me, I could actually tell you what was going on in the world and well, since then my brain has gone to mush. I really have not a clue as to what is happening outside of my “little baby world”. I know taxes were due on the 15th and that the American captain was freed from captivity off the coast of Somalia. Other then that I don’t know a thing about the “real” world. The few things I know right now are; that I have gone through 190 diapers in 9 days, have done 5 loads of baby laundry in a day, have been peed on at least 3 times on in a day, went through 4 baby outfits, 2 swaddle blankets and 1 changing cover pad in just one diaper change. How can that be?!? It is strange how life changes so fast but at the same time can stand so still…at least for me that is how it is!

Seven days and still sane?!?

It’s been a full seven days since my baby boys were born and it is amazing how life has changed. I know everyone says this, but now that they are here I cannot remember what my life was like before their arrival. I remember thinking how can I handle two babies at once or how can I give them each the attention that they will need. But I can honestly say I can’t imagine what it would be like if there were to be only one baby. Somehow I have found my rhythm with the two boys. I think back to when my daughter was born, and how overwhelmed I felt. Was it because I was a first time mom? Was it because I feared every little cry or whimper? Was it because I wanted to be perfect? I really don’t know. The one thing I know for sure was that this time around, I had no expectations of how life would turn out once the boys arrived. I had planned for the worst. I had planned on being sleep deprived. I had planned on being cranky. I had planned on being crazed. Yes, all those things have happened, but each time I look into one of my sons faces, see their little scrunched up faces, their petite little noses and their cute little cupid lips…. I realize that nothing else matters!

I am in LOVE!!!!

After months of waiting, my baby boys made their appearance on Tues April 7th. I feel so blessed that they are both healthy. Somehow both weighted in at almost 6lbs each, which is great for twins and made me feel good about my massive weight gain. At least now I can declare that I was carrying 12lbs of baby and the rest, well can that be water weight?!?

It is simply amazing to look into their small little angelic faces and recognize how vulnerable they are and that my husband & I are responsible for their well being and safety. It seems like such a daunting task and all I want to do is wrap them up in my arms and never let let go!

Last night, my husband went home to stay the evening with our daughter and I was alone with the babies in my room. I have to say that I was and still am on a "mommy high", was blissfully carrying both babies in my arms, rocking them and just totally enjoying our first true private time. Then it dawned on me that I was alone and could I really do this? I started to feel overwhelmed! As quickly as I felt that dreaded feeling, was as quickly as I snapped out of it. After all, they are just two tiny babies. I knew there was no other choice but to rise up to the occasion and to be a Mom. Luck was on my side and the boys were great. I was able to feed, change and burp both boys on my own for most of the evening. I do have to admit I was "christened' by my one son because I forgot to cover his privates and like a fire hose on the loose, pee pee went every where! I felt like a first time mom all over again. Once this happened and he was covered in his pee, as was everything else, I did ask for help and quickly buzzed the nurse! Thank goodness for her because at that point my other son needed to be changed...

A little extra attention...NOT!

The other day I had the opportunity to watch ABC's new Show "In the Motherhood". Although I found the show funny at times, there were parts, I just couldn't relate to. As I watched the character played by Megan Mullally, I was fascinated with the depiction that as a pregnant woman she was able to "work the system" to get more attention, cut to the front of lines and even get someone to buy her coffee. I was reminded of this as I stood in line yesterday, waiting for the elevator at my doctors office. Now you have to understand, I am very, very pregnant. Not only pregnant, but pregnant with twins, so I am extra, extra large. As of recently, belly has began to drop, it is now hanging down to my knees, and there is no mistaking me for anything but pregnant. So, I stood in awe, as the elevator doors opened, I was literally caught up in a stampede to enter. I could not get over how many people appeared out of nowhere and ran into the elevator. Apparently they all MUST have been late for their appointments, because why else would there be the need to push a pregnant lady out of their way to get in. As I watched the doors close before my eyes, with me still outside of the elevator, I took a quick assessment of the people who beat me into the elevator. It struck me as funny that they were all fairly young, and looked like they were in relatively good health. I even spotted a few pharmaceutical reps with their rolling suitcases. I guess sales must be bad for them to have felt it important to basically bowl me over to get in. So I must surmise that I am doing something wrong. Maybe my independence is coming through, maybe I need to start complaining out loud, or moaning as if I am in labor. I should call the writers from "In the Motherhood" to find out how I can get all the fringe benefits of being a pregnant whale. All I know is if I want a little extra attention, I need to figure it out quickly, because the boys are due any day now!

Getting organized....

I am so thankful for all of the gifts that have been arriving for the twins. Sometimes, I get worried that I will forget to send the proper thanks or acknowledge the gift. Especially with the imminent arrival of the twins and knowing how hectic things will be, I realized it was time to get organized and create a chart to track all of the gifts and thank you cards sent. Feel free to download my Gift and Borrowed Item Checklist to help stay on top of everything. I hope it helps!

http://www.babyproductreviews.net/pdf/giftchecklist.pdf

How to Prepare for Baby 2 & 3?

So many people keep asking me what are my plans once the twins arrive? I think it is really hard to come up with a plan, because I just don’t know. Do I go from having a part time babysitter to a full time nanny? Do I get a housekeeper to come once a week? Do I send my 2-1/2year old to preschool? Or do I just go crazy? I have struggled with all these thoughts, plus what the added expense means to my family and me. I struggle with the thoughts of having a stranger in my house, and ultimately feel uncomfortable with the invasiveness of it all. I realize that I am resistant to help and like things just the way they are. So like everything, I just have to play it day by day.

Even though I am not sure how I will manage day to day life once the boys arrive. I know I must prepare. And prepare is what I’ve done.

Here are a few things I have done to prepare for Baby A & Baby B:

1. Figure out how to order my groceries online & have them delivered. One less errand to run!
2. Make a ton of meals and freeze them, so on those crazy days it will be one less thing to think about.
3. Work the neighborhood and meet the local teenagers who can possibly baby-sit on a whim’s notice.
4. Join an online mom group. So I can log in on those days where I just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
5. Make my daughter feel special everyday. So when the boys are born her little world is not rocked too much!
6. Have small wrapped gifts (the dollar bin at Target is fantastic) for my daughter, for those days when she just a little something extra to keep her occupied.
7. Play “laundry” with my daughter. A great learning tool and gets a project done. I mean how many 2-1/2 years olds can sort darks from light! Maybe when the boys arrive, she’ll still be able to sort while I am holding a tyke or two. I know that’s nuts…but why not dream?

I know I may not be in reality yet. I know things will change dramatically and at times be incredibly overwhelming, but I figure if I plan for the worst, it can only get better, right?

Aren’t you glad that you are not having 8?

Lately, wherever I go, people ask when am I due. Yes, I am rather large so my typical response is, “I’m having twins”. The funny thing is, the conversation inevitably turns to, “Aren’t you glad it’s not 8?” or, “What's your thoughts on the Octomom?”. I am like most people, who don’t quite get it. As a mom of a 2-1/2 year old, and expecting twins, there are times I feel overwhelmed with how I can manage. Not only manage but find the balance between the newborns, continue to make my daughter feel special and not neglect her. So it is hard for me to imagine how someone with no spouse can possibly find balance for all 14. From what I’ve heard, the Octomom, Nadya Suleman, who has no job or income, plans to survive on student loans and food stamps. Many say she may be depending on a huge book or television deal or the kindness of strangers and corporations. I find it hard to imagine that someone could actually depend on the kindness of strangers and corporations, especially with such a backlash against her. But as I was waiting in line at the paint store, a woman turned around and asked when I was due. I gave my typical response and of course the Octomom came up, but this time with a surprising point of view. This woman felt that Nadya Suleman is a blessing to the world, and has brought 8 more gifts to the universe. She & her husband were even planning on sending $5,000 to Ms. Suleman. So, I guess that’s the great thing about this world; we don’t quite have to agree with everything or necessarily understand what goes on in people’s minds, but there is always someone who is willing to lend a hand or a perspective. I came across this Squidoo Lens that pretty much sums it up:
http://www.squidoo.com/peopleshouldhavealicensetohavechildren

I am HOT!!!

The things that happen during pregnancy; some things are obvious and some are not. Some things you are told and many things you never hear about until they happen to you.
So why oh why did I forget about the dreaded hot flashes from the last time? Is it that I am hotter because I am pregnant with twins? Is it because I am carrying two boys? Who knows! All I know for sure it that I am tired of sticking to the seat when I get up, tired of feeling like a sweaty pig and tired of worrying about whether I am freezing out the rest of my family because I am so terribly hot. All I know is that it is almost over…at least until menopause.

Hello there Horse Face:)

Why is there such a double standard as to what is acceptable to say to a pregnant woman? If I said half of things that I have heard, I would have been accused of being a crazed, hormonal pregnant lady. So why do people feel that it is okay to say how huge I am, how large my butt has become or even better yet, that I look as if I am going burst, is the doctor sure it’s just twins? Is it me or does this all seem a little rude? I would like to think that it’s a small population of people in this world who feel that it is their right to vocalize whatever they feel. But lately in my outings, it seems as if everyone’s manners have just gone down the drain and they all have a bad case of verbal diarrhea. So here it is right back at you all, everything that I’d like to say but am too polite to follow up with. To the man who addressed me with “Hello Big Mama”. I’d like to say, “Why hello there horse face”. To the woman who followed me around at a cocktail party saying, “You look like you are going to burst”. I’d like to say, “Your face looks like it’s going to fall off, you should have gotten a second opinion”. To the woman who said to me during circle time “Can you actually get up, you look gigantic and your butt is so big, are you carrying a baby back there?” I’d like to say, “The anorexic support group meets every Wednesday evening”. Of course I can’t say what I am truly thinking, nor will I ever. It just brings me pure bliss to fantasize about what would happen if I actually followed through with my thoughts. One thing I know for sure, if I ever did address anyone so rudely, I would be accused of being a hormonal maniac and a crazed pregnant lady. But, at least I’d have an excuse. I wonder what theirs is?????

How much help is really needed?!?

So now that I am expecting twins, I am inundated with questions about how much help I will need. I have found that there are two camps; those that think it will be impossible without a full-time staff, and those who think it will be difficult, but doable. Call me naive... but I am leaning towards the doable. Am I crazy? Well yes, just slightly! I have read and studied most of the twin books available on the market and have come up with a plan. My plan is to get both boy's on the same schedule. Is this possible? Well I don't know, but I am hopeful.

When my daughter was born, I read a great book called Babywise. It became my bible. I read this book over and over, highlighted pages, and made notes in the margins. I truly tribute my daughter's great sleep habits to the information I gained from the book. At 6 months old, she consistently slept from 5:45pm until 7:30am. Yes, I was the envy of many and probably the target on someone's dartboard. As hectic as my days were, I knew it would be over by 5:45pm. That brought me much sanity, well needed down time, and plenty of time to spend with my husband.

I am hopeful that the Babywise program will work for the boys. So, I have ordered a new copy (Don't ever loan it out because you'll never get it back). Now that I have my copy in hand, I am studying up a storm.

In my opinion it should be on every new parent's nightstand. It is a must read!

If you can touch mine, then I can touch yours...

Why is it that once you become pregnant that the whole world decides it’s acceptable to grab, grope & rub your belly. I would never think to go up to a man with hot abs and just start feeling him up. So why does all etiquette go down the drain when someone sees a pregnant lady? The other day I was out and someone I had only met on one occasion before decided to not only rub my belly but also keep her hand placed on it for about 2-3 minutes. Yikes! Very awkward. I had thought I had mastered the block or a quick side twist but the larger I get the harder it is to protect my belly. Why, oh, why…I ask?!? So I have to wonder, what would happen to me if I saw a really nice firm butt and decided to place my hands all over it….hmmm!