It's official...I am a loon!

There is something wrong with me...I just can't stop. What is it that I can't stop? Well just about everything. I can't stop thinking of new and unnecessary things to do. I can't stop doing laundry, cleaning or the dishes. I can't stop thinking about my kids. When I am with them, I feel as if I need to do more for them and when I am away from them, I feel as if I didn't do enough with them! I can't stop volunteering and I can't stop thinking of new business ventures.

The fact that I'm a loon, became profoundly obvious to me last night as I was steam cleaning the family room carpet. Yes, steam cleaning the carpets...at 9:30pm! What normal person does that?!? Then after I completed my cleaning frenzy I proceeded to cast 3 concrete stepping stones for my daughter's preschool craft project. I of course volunteered to oversee it and have been obsessed for the past 3 days with creating mosaic stepping stones. Tonight, after everyone went to bed, I was in the laundry room, sorting itsy bitsy mosaic tiles into color piles. I did this because I wanted to simplify the project for seventeen 3yr olds. Like that's possible! Please don't get me wrong, I love everything I do...I feed off of the craze in my life. It is my state of blissfulness. Most don't understand me, but like I said I just can't stop!

Someone once told me that, as a mom I was too hands on. I was perturbed when I first heard this statement. I mean, how can one be too hands on? Now I realize that I may be too hands on with everything. I am confirming what everyone else knows...I am a loon!

What's wrong with me????

I recently went to dinner with a good friend of mine and half way through dinner she decided that I needed serious therapy. Normally, I would have been insulted, but I really respect my friend and maybe she was on to something. So the next day I discussed it with my husband and he declared "yes, that there is something wrong with me"! I sat there with my mouth wide open...almost speechless, but much to my husband's dismay not entirely speechless! So what is my problem? Well I can't let go, I am a helicopter mom, I can't say "no", I keep taking on new projects and the list goes on and on. First off, my daughter starts preschool on Thurs. I have called the school and almost canceled her enrollment. Changed my mind, found a different preschool and signed her up. I changed my mind once again and decided she was going to the original school. I then made special drop off and pick up arrangements to fit into the twins schedule. I have been crying for weeks that she is leaving. Left the purchasing of her school supplies until the very end, just in case I change my mind again. Now that I am committed (at least for today) I volunteered to be the classroom head mom. So when I told my husband I wanted to be classroom mom, he asked me if that was a really smart thing to do? Didn't I have enough going on? Yes, I have a full plate. I have a small import business, my custom art business, my blog, my baby product review site, I am a co-chair for the San Diego Chapter of St. Jude Children's Research Hospital, I have 3 kids, a husband, do an endless amount of laundry, grocery shopping & cleaning. To top it off last week I felt as if I was running an at home daycare. Last week I watched my kids, another 3yr old and a 6 month old! So why, oh why can't I let go? Why can't I just be a mom.That is really all I want to do and it should be fulfilling enough, right? Every time I take on a new project, in the back of my mind I know I shouldn't, but I just can't stop. So maybe I do need therapy after all. Well, at least to learn to use the word "NO" and be okay with it!

I will always be in your heart!

Yesterday, I started reviewing the list of school supplies that my daughter would need when she starts preschool in Sept. Not only was I overwhelmed with how much she will need, really she's just 3, so I don't understand why the supply list is a full one page but I was saddened at the prospect of dropping her off each morning. As my daughter was trying on her little school jumper, my lower lip quivered and my eyes welled up with tears. My daughter consoled me and said "don't worry mommy, I will always be in your heart when I am at school". Yikes! That's what I used to say to her when I would have to leave to run errands and we were dealing with separation anxiety. When did our roles reverse? As I think about it, maybe I was the one with separation anxiety and never her! Could that be?!? How sad:(

I can't let go....

Yesterday my daughter's Fall Preschool tuition bill arrived. I think a majority of Mom's out there would be jumping for joy with the prospect of having 3-5hours of free time. I on the other hand, burst into tears of the reality of "missing" my daughter for that long. As I read the list of supplies that my daughter would need, I felt a lump in my throat and the tears started rolling. My husband looked at me with pity and I started to tell him all the reasons my daughter did not need to go to school. We reached a compromise that she would go in the fall and it she didn't like it I could pull her out. I was overcome with relief...but what if she likes it???? What will I do!! I know I have the twins but she's still my baby:(

I did it!

So it's day 16 since the twins were born and today was the day I decided to venture out with all three kids on my own. Over the weekend we had gone to the beach & the park as a family, so I new it could be done...but I had my husband with me. So as the alarm clock went off at 6am, I raced through a shower, fed, changed and burped the twins, and got my daughter out of bed. I helped my daughter wash her face, brush her teeth, brushed her hair, got her dressed and fed her. We were able to accomplish all this by 9:15am. As I piled each one into the car, we raced off to our Mommy & Me Spanish class. Class started at 9:30am. Of course we were not on time and we arrived 15 minutes late, but we got there! The key to my success was to just go on "auto pilot". I knew if I started to really think about the logistics and everything that could go wrong, I would never leave the house. I am amazed that we made it to and from without any tears, especially mine! So now I have the confidence I need to keep going. Today was school, tomorrow the grocery store!?1?