Manners no more

Several weeks ago if you came for a visit or stopped by, I was the perfect hostess. Ice tea, coffee, water, something to eat? Something would always be offered. But, now that is no more. If you stop by expect to be handed a baby, a bottle, a diaper, trash or even a vacuum. Then maybe after that is accomplished, you'll get some water. Enter at your own risk!

A little extra attention...NOT!

The other day I had the opportunity to watch ABC's new Show "In the Motherhood". Although I found the show funny at times, there were parts, I just couldn't relate to. As I watched the character played by Megan Mullally, I was fascinated with the depiction that as a pregnant woman she was able to "work the system" to get more attention, cut to the front of lines and even get someone to buy her coffee. I was reminded of this as I stood in line yesterday, waiting for the elevator at my doctors office. Now you have to understand, I am very, very pregnant. Not only pregnant, but pregnant with twins, so I am extra, extra large. As of recently, belly has began to drop, it is now hanging down to my knees, and there is no mistaking me for anything but pregnant. So, I stood in awe, as the elevator doors opened, I was literally caught up in a stampede to enter. I could not get over how many people appeared out of nowhere and ran into the elevator. Apparently they all MUST have been late for their appointments, because why else would there be the need to push a pregnant lady out of their way to get in. As I watched the doors close before my eyes, with me still outside of the elevator, I took a quick assessment of the people who beat me into the elevator. It struck me as funny that they were all fairly young, and looked like they were in relatively good health. I even spotted a few pharmaceutical reps with their rolling suitcases. I guess sales must be bad for them to have felt it important to basically bowl me over to get in. So I must surmise that I am doing something wrong. Maybe my independence is coming through, maybe I need to start complaining out loud, or moaning as if I am in labor. I should call the writers from "In the Motherhood" to find out how I can get all the fringe benefits of being a pregnant whale. All I know is if I want a little extra attention, I need to figure it out quickly, because the boys are due any day now!

Excuse you...

I love my daughter, that's for sure. Everyday she simple amazes me and I have learned to see the world through her eyes. To be two and a half, have no worries about what is politically correct or to say the simplest things that have the most profound meaning, is an incredible place to be. I have been working on manners with my daughter, just the simple things like basic greetings, to say "please" and "thank you". I am so impressed each time she has repeated something I've taught her and am even more in awe when she actually uses each phrase in the correct context. I personally want to jump up and down and do the happy dance. Lately, I have been teaching her how and when to say, "excuse me". Sometimes I have to wonder if she is actually getting it, or if I am just an over obsessed first time mom trying to do everything perfectly. But the other day I realized that all my efforts have really worked. She now knows to say, "excuse me" if I am talking and she wants to interrupt. She knows how to say, "excuse me" if she burps. She may have mastered it a little too well...because the other morning we were waiting in line at Starbucks and a man bumped into the two of us. She looked up so innocently and said "Excuse You"!

Hello there Horse Face:)

Why is there such a double standard as to what is acceptable to say to a pregnant woman? If I said half of things that I have heard, I would have been accused of being a crazed, hormonal pregnant lady. So why do people feel that it is okay to say how huge I am, how large my butt has become or even better yet, that I look as if I am going burst, is the doctor sure it’s just twins? Is it me or does this all seem a little rude? I would like to think that it’s a small population of people in this world who feel that it is their right to vocalize whatever they feel. But lately in my outings, it seems as if everyone’s manners have just gone down the drain and they all have a bad case of verbal diarrhea. So here it is right back at you all, everything that I’d like to say but am too polite to follow up with. To the man who addressed me with “Hello Big Mama”. I’d like to say, “Why hello there horse face”. To the woman who followed me around at a cocktail party saying, “You look like you are going to burst”. I’d like to say, “Your face looks like it’s going to fall off, you should have gotten a second opinion”. To the woman who said to me during circle time “Can you actually get up, you look gigantic and your butt is so big, are you carrying a baby back there?” I’d like to say, “The anorexic support group meets every Wednesday evening”. Of course I can’t say what I am truly thinking, nor will I ever. It just brings me pure bliss to fantasize about what would happen if I actually followed through with my thoughts. One thing I know for sure, if I ever did address anyone so rudely, I would be accused of being a hormonal maniac and a crazed pregnant lady. But, at least I’d have an excuse. I wonder what theirs is?????