It's all about choices...

Overnight, I became a mom of three. Going from a mom of one, to a mom of three has been challenging. I was prepared for the fatigue, the constant diapers, burping and laundry but what I wasn't prepared for was the emotional guilt I feel each time I have to chose which child I am going to attend to first. I was advised to go to the oldest child first because she would remember what you do. I have tried my best to give each one the attention they need and in general everyone gets my attention when they need it most. At times I feel everything is just a little too methodical and not spontaneous enough. I go from feeding, changing, burping one baby to the next and then running after my oldest. There isn't enough cuddle time during the day for the babies. It makes me sad to think back to when my oldest was born and how I spent every minute of the day snuggling and fussing over her. I feel that I don't give the twins enough individual time. And for me I am guilt ridden each time I have to choose who to feed first. Of course I go to the one who is crying the loudest and as I feed one, I try to rub the other's head. But it breaks my heart each time one is crying and the other is looking up at me with his big eyes, in despair. As I snuggle & feed the one, I am always am looking at the clock trying to figure how much time it will take me before I can get to the other. This is not how it should be, but it's my reality. I know I am doing my best, but at times I feel it's just not enough and once I add my daughter in the mix, it just makes me feel even worse. I know that this will be a constant battle for me. One that I will need to continually work on. It's very hard to except, but I do get that it is all about the choices...

The things I love!

Overnight I went from having one child to suddenly having three children. I have found that there have been certain things that have made each day more & more manageable.

I am grateful for the friends who have brought me meals. It is such a small thing but it has touched me in such a profound way. Every few days I "hit a wall". As if someone is looking out for me, it always seems that those are the days that someone kindly rings the bell with a wonderful meal for me & my family.

The gifts of diapers have been another one of my favorite things to receive. If you would have asked me what the best gift ever would be, I highly doubt in the past I would have responded "Pampers Swaddlers". But at this point in my life, diapers are better then diamonds! I just can't get enough:)

Whom ever invented the premade swaddle blankets, I salute you! Those swaddle blankets have helped ensure many good night sleeps or at least decent sleep in 3hr intervals. To me the swaddle blankets are a must have.

I love the Wubbanub. What is a Wubbanub? Well, it's a pacifier attached to a small stuffed animal. The stuffed animal adds just enough weight so if the twins spit out the pacifier, it just doesn't go very far. Another life saver, especially in the middle of the night!

So these are just a few of my favorite things...at least for today!