I can't let go....

Yesterday my daughter's Fall Preschool tuition bill arrived. I think a majority of Mom's out there would be jumping for joy with the prospect of having 3-5hours of free time. I on the other hand, burst into tears of the reality of "missing" my daughter for that long. As I read the list of supplies that my daughter would need, I felt a lump in my throat and the tears started rolling. My husband looked at me with pity and I started to tell him all the reasons my daughter did not need to go to school. We reached a compromise that she would go in the fall and it she didn't like it I could pull her out. I was overcome with relief...but what if she likes it???? What will I do!! I know I have the twins but she's still my baby:(

I love my Wii Fit

As a mom of three (I still can't believe it!), I find it hard to cram in any time for myself. If I do have any free time, I usually am doing dishes, laundry, cleaning or showering and not really doing anything fun. But recently I broke out my Wii and started working out with my 3yr old. I absolutely love it. It is a good way for us to spend time together, laughing and having fun as we do the hula hoop or go for a "run" together on the Wii Fit. It has become the only way I can sneak in a little exercise and my daughter loves laughing at/with me while I jump around like a mad woman. I have fallen in love...with my Wii Fit!!!!

A little too creative...

The "big girl bed" has arrived! I am a sap, because of course, I cried once it arrived. How fast time goes by. Now that my daughter is not "trapped" in her crib, her imagination has gone wild. The first night, she was so excited that she fell fast asleep in her new bed without even realizing that she could escape. That didn't last long. The next day at nap time she figured out that she could jump all over the bed. Then she proceeded to get in and out of her bed over and over. In and out she went, under the covers, out of the covers, pillows tossed on the floor and then back on the bed. I am of the mindset, that I don't care what she does, as long as she is quiet and stays in her room. Well, that may not be the smartest philosophy. As I watched her in the video monitor, with the lampshade on her head, her clothes on backwards, I noticed a strange object in her bed. At this point I knew I had to go in. Once I entered the room, it was hard not to laugh and I wasn't sure if I should be mad or not. All of her toys and stuffed animals were lined up perfectly on the bed. Some were covered in band aids, a few had books placed on them, some were covered in toilet paper (clean thank goodness) and the strange object was her potty and Raggedy Ann was "using"it! In the sternest voice I could muster, I inquired as to what was going on. With her eyes wide she looked at me as if I was the biggest fool on the earth. Her toys were sick and she was taking care of them and Raggedy Ann had to use the potty, of course she couldn't go in her pants! I was thrown off guard. I truly didn't know what to do and the way she answered me, so matter of factly made it even harder. I think every parent wants their child to be creative, but can there be such a thing as a little too creative? I think so!

Call me bitter?!?

Today was the first day of my husband's "vacation" from work. We decided not to go anywhere because the twins are just 8 weeks and it would be easiest to stay local. So I hired extra help to have some free time. The morning did not start off well. My husband took his car in to get fixed and the shop found a few unexpected things wrong with it. Not a good start. As we drove up to Legoland California with our 3 year old, I could see my husband start to relax. We arrived and everything was going well, nice weather, nice lunch, nice rides, but everything went south real fast, once my husband lost our daughter in a play area tunnel. Yes, not good, and I was not a happy wife. Fortunately, I found her in the midst of a ton of kids having a blast, fully unaware that I had half of the play area park attendants looking for her. So maybe I am bitter, but it's not why you may think. It's not because my husband lost our daughter, not because I am tired, or not because I have spit up constantly stuck on my right shoulder. I am believe it or not, all fine with that. But what I am not fine with, are the wise asses that call my husband and ask him if "he's ready to go back to work, yet?". So I have to wonder what type of "friends" would do that? Is it because they are SO miserable at their jobs that they wish they could take two weeks off? Or is it because they are miserable when they are home with their families and want everyone else to be just as pathetic? Now really, why would anyone ask that question? You know, they only want to hear the bad stuff, and they are not asking to lend support or empathize. They just want a good laugh. Well, knowing that we have 8 week old twins, a 3 year old toddler and no family in the area to help, all I have to stay is yes, things are stressful at times. Sometimes 3 kids cry simultaneously, laundry is piled up, but we are surviving and it's NOT as bad a people would like to hear. The twins are on a 3 hour feed schedule during the day and sleep 5-6hrs each night and my daughter is in bed no later then 8pm. So yes, things are on the upswing and we are getting out of the trenches. So a word to the wise DON'T call and ask if my husband is ready to go back to work, as if that is a place of sanctuary and we are the worst things to be around. If you do, be prepared for the Italian wrath of words. I will start calling you at work and ask if your day sucks, if business is bad and don't you wish you were home? And if you are home I will hunt you down there and annoy you. So really people, come on lets grow up because we've all been in the same boat...

Towel bars are NOT for swinging!

Just when I think life is calming down and the routine seems fairly manageable, life or in this case my daughter decides to throw me a curve ball! So far I have been impressed with her maturity when it comes to the twins. We've had no major breakdowns, she sings to the boys when they cry, gets me a burp cloth when I need, and has been an incredible helper. Just when I forget that she's only three, she does something to snap me back into reality. So this, morning as she was brushing her teeth she leaned over, grabbed the towel bar and decided to hang from it. As I was trying to get her off, explain that she could get hurt, she decided what a fun torturous game this would be for me. The harder I tried to get her off, the louder she yelled, "swing me mommy, faster mommy". Yes, she was not getting that I was trying to pry her little hands from the death grip she had on the towel bar and get her to stop. Instead she decided to look at it is a new found "ride" that was attached to the bathroom wall. I had visions of huge holes left in the drywall of the bathroom, and just when I thought the towel bar would collapse, she decided the ride was over, at least for today...

One handed wonder.

I am always amazed at the things I can do under pressure. Lately, I have mastered doing everything with one hand. I can email, cook, make bottles, clean and even help my daughter go potty all while holding a baby! Now if I could only figure out how to feed both babies with one hand I'd be all set.

The writing is on the wall.

I have come to the conclusion that my daughter is going to be one of my biggest challenge's. She is head strong, determined and ever the party girl. We are working on transitioning from a crib to a toddler bed and all in all, it's going well. The crib tent was removed a few weeks ago, one rail half way down last week and now both rails are down. Next week we will turn the crib into a toddler bed. In general she hasn't climbed out but one of her favorite things to do is have a crib full of toys and books in bed with her. I don't mind, as long as she stays in bed. The other day though, she was having a full on dance party in the crib and using it as her very own personal jumpy castle. As I watch in the video monitor I was floored when she leaned over the crib rail and proceeded to grab the lampshade and put it on her head. Yes, the writing is on the wall, she loves to party! I hope my boys will be more mellow. If not, I am in big trouble!

It's all smoke and mirrors!

I am grateful to all the people who compliment me on how I am handling my new life as a mom of multiples. I am even surprised at how easy I make it look, although I have to admit it's all a facade. Yes, maybe the laundry is done & folded, everything seems to be in it's place, my house is vacuumed and dusted. It's all been completed after the 3am feed. I may look semi okay; concealer, foundation and caffeine are a must! But as many know, appearances can be deceiving. Yes, I am doing it, but I have a great husband and help. Help that in the beginning I resisted but finally succumbed to once I realized that I could only do so much on my own. So as I except each compliment I feel a little bit like a fraud. I may have a smile on the outside and I may look well rested, but truth be told I am a frazzled mess who has had a maximum of 4 hours sleep for the last 6 weeks, have spit up caked in my hair and typically down the back of my shirt. So if I look decent, well rested or have wrangled all three kids up and into the minivan for an outing, it's just because the caffeine has kicked in and I've had a burst of energy, but by 8pm I am a goner!

It's all about choices...

Overnight, I became a mom of three. Going from a mom of one, to a mom of three has been challenging. I was prepared for the fatigue, the constant diapers, burping and laundry but what I wasn't prepared for was the emotional guilt I feel each time I have to chose which child I am going to attend to first. I was advised to go to the oldest child first because she would remember what you do. I have tried my best to give each one the attention they need and in general everyone gets my attention when they need it most. At times I feel everything is just a little too methodical and not spontaneous enough. I go from feeding, changing, burping one baby to the next and then running after my oldest. There isn't enough cuddle time during the day for the babies. It makes me sad to think back to when my oldest was born and how I spent every minute of the day snuggling and fussing over her. I feel that I don't give the twins enough individual time. And for me I am guilt ridden each time I have to choose who to feed first. Of course I go to the one who is crying the loudest and as I feed one, I try to rub the other's head. But it breaks my heart each time one is crying and the other is looking up at me with his big eyes, in despair. As I snuggle & feed the one, I am always am looking at the clock trying to figure how much time it will take me before I can get to the other. This is not how it should be, but it's my reality. I know I am doing my best, but at times I feel it's just not enough and once I add my daughter in the mix, it just makes me feel even worse. I know that this will be a constant battle for me. One that I will need to continually work on. It's very hard to except, but I do get that it is all about the choices...

Manners no more

Several weeks ago if you came for a visit or stopped by, I was the perfect hostess. Ice tea, coffee, water, something to eat? Something would always be offered. But, now that is no more. If you stop by expect to be handed a baby, a bottle, a diaper, trash or even a vacuum. Then maybe after that is accomplished, you'll get some water. Enter at your own risk!

I love a good photo!

When my daughter was born almost 3yrs ago, I couldn't take enough pictures of her. My friends and family were sick of the constant emails with multiple jpg files attached. I took so many because I just couldn't get "the shot". Now, I have moved on to having someone else take the photos. Last fall Pottery Barn Kids had a promotion and I met an amazing photographer named Amanda Dahlgren. She captured my daughter's personality so well, that I decided to have her photograph our family at Christmas. My husband wanted big belly photos of me, again I called her. So now that the twins have arrived, it was time to have her visit with the camera for some great baby photos. After 3 hours of her persistence and patience, she was able to proclaim that she thought she had some really great shots. You have to realize my house was a zoo while she was trying to work. If one baby was quiet, the other was crying. If they were both peaceful, one would poop suddenly and if that wasn't enough, my husband kept asking "if we were almost done" and my daughter was jumping in circles all over the room on a major sugar high. I am surprised after this last experience she hasn't blocked my phone number or my email address. Amanda was kind enough to email me a sneak peak of what I could expect and now I can't wait to see all the proofs. I have a feeling I will want to buy them all! Check out her website at http://www.amandadahlgren.com

My personal best!

So it was off to Mommy & Me Spanish class this morning. Sometimes I get up and am so tired, I wonder how will I ever survive the day. Thanks to a lot of caffeine and the fact that I have no other choice, I just continue moving forward. So this morning, being a little more tired then usual, somehow I managed to get all the kids in the car in less then 15 minutes and made it to my daughter's class only 5 minutes late. Yes, that was my personal best so far. Now being the overachiever that I am, I decided to make a game out of it, because if you can't have fun in life, what's the point! My goal is to see how fast I can get the kids in & out of the car, to and from without any tears. Can I do it in 10 minutes and make it to class on time? We'll see...

I don't know when she changed!

About a month ago, I thought my daughter was just a petite, itty bitty thing. Now that the twins have arrived, so small and fragile, my daughter looks like mammoth woman. Her personality has also changed dramatically. Fortunately, we haven't seen any hostility towards the twins. She is extremely sweet and loving, her typical self. But what has changed is that she suddenly has a sense of confidence, a maturity that I did not see before. When did this happen? My first baby, my precious little girl, who is no longer a baby, but a full fledged person with an opinion! I don't know when she changed, it seems like overnight. It makes me so sad because life is flying by. I know once she starts preschool, I will be the crazy mom hiding in the bushes outside her classroom window peaking in...I should be happy that she evolving and growing. Why am I not happy that she is becoming more independent giving me a little more time to spend with the boys? I love that she can now entertain herself with crayons, paint or PlayDoh. So why oh why do I still feel guilty?

It's just killing me...

Being a mom of newborn twins, I expected to be fatigued and overwhelmed. I can handle that because I know soon enough this period will end. The one thing that has taken me off guard is the stench that is coming out of the nursery. My beautiful fresh smelling home now has the notorious scent of baby poo wafting throughout. I just don't know what to do. I didn't have this problem with my daughter. Is it because there is twice as much poop? Is it because they are little boys and this is a sign of things to come? My Glade scented air fresheners are working double duty and there are not enough cans of Lysol to dissipate the smell. The stench is just killing me! Any suggestions?

It's all about the boob!

So the interesting thing about having a baby is that one of the first questions out of most people's mouths is "Are you breast feeding"? Not, how are the twins, how are you, are you sleeping or do you need any help? I find this obsession with the boob and it's feeding ability fascinating. Almost 3yrs ago, I found the question annoying, intimidating and it would many times bring me to tears. Back then, I was a first time mom, trying to keep up with the standard and what is socially acceptable. I was tired of defending myself for a choice that I really didn't want to make, but after trying every pump and every herb out there, breast feeding was not happening for me. This time around, I made the decision to just go with the flow (literally & figuratively), if it happened great, but if not that was fine to. We have all heard "Breast is Best" and have heard all those breast Nazi's out there basically chanting that phrase. I have read all the articles about how I am not giving my child the best and they will probably end up sicker, fatter and dumber then the breast fed baby. Now really, when you watch all the kids at the playground, do you think that kid can't climb the monkey bars, what an idiot, he must have been bottle fed? I know I don't! So this time around I have a refreshing new outlook. Instead of getting annoyed or defensive about whether or not I am, I just smile and listen. Recently, someone suggested that they send their boob lady over to massage my boobs to help with milk production. Call me conservative, but I just thought that was gross and a little disturbing. So, again I smiled and said thank you for thinking of me. I love the people who declare how the breast milk is so much superior. A majority of these women are the ones who are typically drinking a glass of wine with their meals, and drinking caffeine. The last time I checked, there was no alcohol or caffeine in a can of formula. But what do I know, apparently nothing? So I guess, I just have to recognize because of my choice my children will be the slowest ones at the playground...or will they???